Sometimes in life
there are choices which
test one's inner courage
to be able to go beyond
whichever current paradigm
one had become comfortable with.
For me, in days gone by, I felt held
in the security and hope of the Christian faith -
a faith which I had not just been brought up in,
but which I had actively made my "baseline."
Admittedly I had huge doses of rebellion,
especially around matters of physicality -
how we express ourselves in the body through
sensuality, sexuality, "appropriate" relationships,
our attitude towards money and giving to charity,
and the way Christians embrace the "need for war"
(especially at this time of year) in what seems a
total contradiction of what Jesus is recorded as
having taught in the Sermon on the Mount -
but most of me accepted the traditionally "received"
and taught Truth as being near-enough God's
and therefore good enough to be mine as well.
(It helps to believe the "Company Mission" if
one is going to be working for the company -
in my case over 22 years as an organist/music director
in various versions of the church in N Europe.)
When total chaos enters one's life, "self-evident" truth
is often one of the first casualties, and the ensuing
emptiness is not easily integrated into whatever is
suddenly being experienced. When this "happened" to me
I hated and loathed it - it took me a very long time to learn
to begin to accept and honour the emptiness within!
But perhaps the most challenging thing for me to feel
was the notion that I had actively chosen to
go through the wormholes of existence - that this hell
was not something which I was a victim of, but rather
the stockpot I had myself put together in order to find
ways of living which resonated better with who I am.
More challenging still was really to be able to feel that
these new ways, these new paradigms of existence and belief
were not cosmic absolutes, but merely waystages on
an unending journey of Divine co-creation through me
with everything that exists (as the Matrix films showed.)
It's still challenging and this seems to get stronger.
Why? Probably because being the absolute chooser
doesn't engender any lasting "outside" feeling of
"God-given" security - and my cosmic-home-seeking
inner child has resisted choosing insecurity for a long time!
So, here I am on the island of Crete, as someone who
is perceived as an "alternative therapist/healer" and
probably someone who believes in new-age maxims like
"Everything is all one" or "It's all the same" or
"Inner Peace and Joy and Ease are the only way" or
"What you resist persists" or "Love is all there is" or
"There is nothing outside you - it's all within " etc.
I haven't really deeply questioned these assumptions -
I may have complained about their over-simplification, but,
(a bit like earlier in my life not questioning the parts of the
New Testament which didn't impinge on my personal life,)
I had never been brought face to face with anything where
my life course seemed to depend on my willingness or not
to live these tenets in action, AND how much I really believe
that they are "right" for the situation I now find myself in?
And the question comes ...
What do I now choose?
and
If I choose one particular form of action,
what meaning do I consciously invest in this process?
Is there a sacred path involved for me which
may look from the outside as "less-than-holy"?
More soon.
Blessings
John
